There’s a fine line between giving people hope and helping people stay grounded in reality.

I’m going to try to offer a balanced approach to this.

Please forgive me if I fail at that attempt or if this is triggering for you.

I get deeply triggered when I see memes like these especially because I am a recovering perfectionist.

I think giving people the message that we can have it all feels like a big fuck you.

It feels like sugar-coated BS to help sell a program or a coaching package.

Sometimes we can have it all.

Sometimes we can’t.

Sometimes we have to momentarily give up one thing to fully embrace another.

Sometimes we have to put our dreams on hold for very valid reasons.

Packaging some words together and feeding that to people feels super irresponsible and one-dimensional to me.

And I get it.

We all need to feel hope.

We need words to inspire us to be better, to do better.

We need to know that there are end-goals worth striving toward.

We want to know that we lived a full life and that we added as much meaning to our lives as possible.

I have been the delivery man of these kind of phrases and have stood on my high horse preaching them a-plenty of times.

But it’s so much more helpful to hear messages that embrace us where we are even as we might strive for more.

It’s so much more helpful to not equate our value by reaching for a collection of externalized checkpoints.

Here is my version of this message for you.

It’s okay if you have to give up some things sometimes.

It’s okay if you have to put your dreams on hold to take care of your kids.

It’s okay if you aren’t in the career you want just yet.

You are loved being single just as much as when you are in a relationship.

You are worthy even if you are struggling.

You are loved even if you are falling apart.

I am all for anything that helps us feel better about ourselves.

I am all for things that give us hope and help us come out of our sadness or our limitations.

I just think it’s very damaging to approach huge topics with such a limited lens.

I think it robs us of our humanity and sugarcoats the real work it takes to have the life we truly want.

With love,


Silvy Khoucasian

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