Remember that thing I always say about boundaries being complex?
Well they are.
Below is a list of some things we might like to incorporate as we get better and better at setting boundaries.
1. Most people are not intentionally trying to violate our boundaries.
Most people are just living their own lives and engaging with us in the same way they engage with everyone else. Knowing that can help to soften our anger and frustration with those who continuously violate our boundaries. With that said, it’s still essential we speak our limits.
2. The way we express a boundary is just as important as how someone responds to it.
It’s easy to start to feel “entitled” when we start to become clearer on our boundaries. But let’s always try to remember how helpful it is when someone incorporates kindness when approaching us with their own boundaries.
3. Resistance to our boundaries can sometimes be a person’s fear of losing connection with us.
It takes time to adjust to change. If we spent every day talking with someone and have now clarified a new boundary to speak much less, let’s also make it okay for the other person to feel disappointed with the new changes. They are human too. They deserve the right to feel their feelings as they adjust to our boundaries.
4. Some don’t know the term “boundary” and need it to be explained more simply.
“When you cut me off, I feel unseen. Could you please not do that?”
That’s a simple way to express boundaries.
It can be more helpful than saying “you’re not honoring my boundaries during our conversations.”
Keep it simple.
5. Explaining our process can be very helpful for new and drastic boundaries. This one is super important for the big ones. For our important relationships.
“I know this is hard.”
“I miss things the way they were before too.”
“This is hard for me too.”
Taking the time to reveal the vulnerability underneath our boundaries, and to continue to show our love towards someone, can sometimes be the very thing that can make or break a relationship.
p.s. If you’d like more practical language tools for setting boundaries, make sure to check out my boundaries program.