There is an undeniable HIGH that happens when we get our partner to agree with our point of view.
There is a magic that happens when our partner truly hears us with freshly primed ears.
When we are having the same exact argument for the 89th time - but this time our partner responds differently.
We feel empowered.
We’re on top of the world for those glimmering 2 minutes...our expression has FINALLY been validated.
But what if we are feeling empowered because WE have shown up differently to that argument?
What if it’s actually (us) that has brought a slightly different side of ourselves to the picture?
What if that is what’s actually allowing them to hear us differently?
Maybe we unknowingly grew a little softer in our edges…
...softer in the parts of ourselves that have been rigid, stubborn, or maybe even slightly cruel.
Maybe we responded with a little more emotion this time.
Maybe we brought a little more presence with our eyes.
Maybe we didn’t use words at all this time.
Maybe we hugged them as they showed us their firework of pain.
Maybe we just stopped defending.
These are all things we wouldn’t NORMALLY do...
...these are things that don’t even feel intuitive.
In fact, they feel COUNTER-intuitive.
And yet … when we do something different ... we get a different result.
It is always more empowering when we can bring our own change to a situation.
When we slowly pull our piece of the puzzle out and put it back in slightly differently this time, we watch our world shift before our very eyes.
There is a freedom that charges at us when we take some responsibility for what is happening.
Even if our partner isn’t quite there yet ... we can still feel the power of our own change.
And chances are ... if we have even a slightly self-aware partner … it can inspire them to find their puzzle piece of responsibility too.
Can you think of a time where you showing up even slightly different ... caused your partner to respond totally differently?
How can you pause in the middle of your next argument ... and breathe ... and say something counterintuitive to what you’d normally say?
What do you think would happen?