Not everything that is true needs to be spoken.
I believe so strongly about questioning our cultural norms.
We have to be willing to look at what the popular expectations are - and QUESTION them.
In the last few years, the self-help and transformational world has promoted transparency and authenticity.
It has been an era of “getting the truth out at all costs” - at the cost of connection.
Lets dig into that.
When we are speaking our truth what is our INTENTION behind it?
Are we speaking it in order to feel closer to our partner?
Are we speaking it to connect more deeply with them?
Or are we doing it to release our own anxieties?
Are we doing it because we think we HAVE to because thats the cultural norm?
Let me ask you a real question.
If your partner was hit on during the day and they engaged zero percent in that interaction, would you really need to know every time that happened?
Would that feel good to you?
Maybe it does.
I’m genuinely asking you to question it.
If you trust your partner, I mean REALLY trust them, would it be wrong to leave some mystery in the relationship?
Not for the important decisions of course.
Not when something is really important to share.
But it’s important to ask ourselves to consider that sometimes our truth comes from unloading our own anxieties.
Sometimes we don’t really take into consideration how our partner would feel knowing certain things.
Sometimes we were pressured by our parents to share unnecessary truths.
When our boundaries were heavily violated - we can confuse truth with anxiety.
When we were neglected - we can use uncomfortable truths to unconsciously push our partner away.
So next time you are in this moment and want to share an uncomfortable truth, perhaps you can pause for just a moment...
…and simply ask yourself.
Is this truth kind?
Am I sharing this to connect with my partner?
Can I perhaps say this truth in a way that is also sensitive to my partners needs and not just make it about me?
In an era of transparency, sometimes we have to remember that we get to create what really works for us as individuals and in our relationship.
Together, we can find our own definition of truth.
And hopefully it’s a kind one.